Are You A Christian Tiger Mom?- Pt. 2

By Renee Jamerson

This week I finished reading Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of A Tiger Mom. If any of you remember, Chua's book gained notoriety due to her "strict" and sometimes seemly "authoritarian" parenting-style. Chua however, described herself as a typical Chinese mother...a "Tiger Mom". None of us are strangers to the stereotyping that occurs with people of Asian descent (mostly Chinese and Indian), of them being brainiacs and wiz kids. I began reading this book because I wanted to look into the stereotype for myself and (to be truthful) pick up some tip to help my children amazing grades for the upcoming school year. What I found was that besides traditional family beliefs, there was also the idea of training the child as opposed to raising the child (which according to Chua is a Western ideology). Many of the Asian familial and child rearing beliefs are founded on the ideas of Confucius' Chiao Shun (training) and Guan (govern and love). These concepts have been described as strict by a lot of parents others have viewed them as just a difference in culture.

This got me to thinking about what the bible had to say regarding a mother's attitude toward academic success for her children. Should I, as a Christian, be a "Tiger Mom"?

 For the first half of our list, check out Are You A Christian Tiger Mom?- Pt.1 with that said let's get into the second half of our list. 

7. When a child continues to disobey you, he/she deserves a spanking- Despite popular belief spanking is actually in the bible and is an acceptable discipline when administered with patience, control and explanation. There is actually a manual on the Focus On the Family website on how to administer a proper and biblical spanking. The book of Proverbs is full of scriptures on spanking.  

Biblical Support: "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them"- Proverbs 13:24 

8. Mothers primarily express love by helping children succeed- I think this goes above with #7. You disciple out of love and the need to teach life lessons to help your child succeed. -see Proverbs 13:24

9. A mother's sole interest is in taking care of her child- While it is impossible for child-rearing to be your only interest, it should be one of your most important interest.

Biblical Support: "Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure to be busy at home..."- Titus 2:4-5

10. Child should be in the constant care of their mothers or family- We can only imagine the trouble an unattended child could get into or even the poor result in the life of a child not properly raised.

Biblical Support: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."- Proverbs 29:15

11. Mothers should do everything for their child's education and make many sacrifices- Any parent knows that the decision to be someones mother or father is a huge responsibility that requires great sacrifice and selflessness. Little people depending on you night and day, your eyes the first to open and the last to close with no days off.

Biblical Support: The whole entire chapter of Proverbs 31. 

It looks like despite how "strict" the ideologies of traditional Asian child-rearing may seem it appears that Chiao Shun and Guan fall in line with God's idea of what a devoted mother should be...a Tiger! Anyone else feel a roar coming on?!? Being a parent is not easy but it sure does help when you at least have guidelines for what you're supposed to be doing. 

Stay Strong Mommas and as always Be Fruitful!

1 Chao, Ruth K. Beyond Parental Control and Authoritarian Parenting Style: Understanding Chinese Parenting through the Cultural Notion of Training. Child Development, 1994, 65, 1111-1119

Are You A Christian Tiger Mom?- Pt.1

by Renee Jamerson

This week I finished reading Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of A Tiger Mom. If any of you remember, Chua's book gained notoriety due to her "strict" and sometimes seemly "authoritarian" parenting-style. Chua however, described herself as a typical Chinese mother...a "Tiger Mom". None of us are strangers to the stereotyping about people of Asian descent (mostly Chinese and Indian), being brainiacs and wiz kids. I began reading this book because I wanted to look into the stereotype for myself and (to be truthful) pick up some tips to help my children get amazing grades for this school year. What I found was that besides traditional family beliefs, there was also the idea of training the child as opposed to raising the child (which according to Chua is a Western ideology). Many of the Asian familial and child rearing beliefs are founded on the ideas of Confucius' Chiao Shun (training) and Guan (govern and love). These concepts have been described as strict by a lot of parents, while others have viewed them as just a difference in culture.

This got me to thinking about what the bible had to say regarding a mother's attitude toward academic success for her children. Should I, as a Christian, be a "Tiger Mom"?

 According to a study conducted by Ruth K. Chao of the University of California (1), there are 13 training items to this concept; with the exception of 2 (which involve parent/child co-sleeping) we will discuss 11 and how they correlate with the Bible.

1. Children by nature are born good. - While some may say that no one is born good because we are all born sinners, this statement is referencing a child's way of thinking and seeing life.

Biblical support: "But Jesus said, Suffer little children and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."- Matthew 19:14

2. Parents must begin training a child as soon as their ready- This one maybe a bit tricky because who's to say what is ready for anything. But I think its safe to say us parents kind of get a discernment for when our children are capable of learning new things and we should support that ability as soon as we see it.

Biblical support: If you remember correctly David was a young boy shepherding his father's sheep, he stood up to Goliath with great faith (1 Samuel 17). Jesus himself was a young boy of 12 years old when he stayed behind in Jerusalem to hear the teachers and then soon left to be about his father's business (Luke 2:41-52).

3. Children can improve in almost anything if they work hard- We are constantly called to practice righteousness throughout the bible, this just goes with the adage that "practice makes perfect" no matter what it is your practicing.

Biblical Support: "Those things which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." -Phillipians 4:9

4. Mothers must train children to work very hard and be disciplined- Of course we all want well-behaved and responsible hard working children.

Biblical Support:  "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men" - Colossians 3:23

5. Mothers teach children by pointing out good behaviors in other people- I don't know about you but I do this all the time. Most of the time I use biblical figures as examples.

Biblical Support: Aside from the fact that Jesus referenced people from the Old Testament all the time. There are so many examples: need bravery (David), a lustful son (Samson), unconditional love (Jesus), Jealousy (Cain and Abel) and the list goes on and on.

6. The best way children learn how to behave is to be around adults- Let alone the fact that we all read about Never Never Land and the lost boys. Parental presence is all too necessary in the proper raising of a child, even Jesus needed a mother and teachers while he was here on earth.

Biblical Support: see again Luke 2:41-52

Who knew right?!? It's look like according to our list so far, those Tiger Moms maybe on to something...check back next week for the second half our list and your finally decision on whether you should be a Christian Tiger Mom!

Jump into Are You A Christian Tiger Mom?- Pt. 2

Be Fruitful!

1 Chao, Ruth K. Beyond Parental Control and Authoritarian Parenting Style: Understanding Chinese Parenting through the Cultural Notion of Training. Child Development, 1994, 65, 1111-1119

Back to School, Back to Reality

My timeline has been buzzing for the last couple of weeks with parents celebrating their children's first days to or back to school. I have a confession...every time I see one, I am filled with anxiety! This year I have 2 kids returning to school and 1 headed to Kindergarten, that gives me 3 kids in school and 1 toddler {biting nails}.

It started out as excitement, my bopsies ("Irish Twins") would finally be together (at least in the same school) and I would truly only have 1 "baby". The more I began to think of this upcoming school year I began to feel nervous. Thoughts like, How will I get through all of that homework? How will I every get anything done around the house during the week? What time will I have to cook dinner? What if one is struggling, while I'm trying to assist the other two? How will I keep the baby out of my hair long enough to assist the other three? On and on the thoughts came, until I could be a victim no longer! I headed over to the Board of Education website and began printing packets for the upcoming year, figuring this would give the girls a head start on the material they would be covering. I spoke about this briefly in my Mid-Summer Wind Down article. This eased my anxiety a little, then I realized what I needed was a plan of action!

My life saving tool when all seems awry is organization and structure, find it or build it. I began pulling my old schedules and Peek At The Weeks that I had used for the kids this past year and reworked them.  I recreated a general schedule for what my normal week would look like, what I expected the girls to do after-school and when; for this I used an hourly template with columns for each girl. Including everything from homework to snack. Doing this allowed me to see the available time slots that would be open after I got home from work. Since there is a column for me on the sheet, I was able to schedule in time for homework check, cooking, cleaning, bathing and hair care. I also found these great morning and bedtime routine door hangers (yes, it's amazing the things you can find online)!

The next issue that was causing me anxiety were the school supplies lists. Trying to eyeball and check-off items from 3 different lists with more than 20 items was causing me to lose my mind. Plus I was certain I didn't need to buy everything on them because I had extras from the year before. To tackle this problem I created a School Supply Inventory Sheet. I consolidated those three lists into one sheet containing the number of each item needed per child. I then pulled out every school supply in my house and the used item from last year and began to write in how many we had in stock. Finally, I was ready to search for deals and coupons. Updating the inventory sheet upon each purchase to reflect the newly stocked items. Creating this sheet made back to school shopping soooo much easier and kept me from overspending. It also gave me the clear mind I needed to comparison shop.

To some this may all seem complicated and like a lot of work but I prefer to work with an organized plan and like they say "failure to plan = a plan to fail".

Best of luck this school year and as always Be Fruitful!

Mid-Summer Wind Down

We've reached the mid-point of Summer break and I can't help but think "wow this was quick!" I don't know if it was the realization that my girls still have to finish up their assigned projects or the realization that the time is approaching to cough over the bucks for uniforms (3 kids-worth this year) and school supplies...but IT'S AUGUST!!!

I guess it's time to settle back into school-mode, we've had a pretty full summer including a family reunion/vacation in Atlanta, tons of outdoor activities with family and friends and multiple trips to Brooklyn Bridge Park. If you haven't made your way down there yet your missing out! They've got Jane's Carousel (which is super cheap), a free pool, free skating (on certain days & times), basketball courts, volleyball courts, batting cages, a couple of sprinklers and tons of grass and wildlife. The best part is, they're not done...they are still building! This park is right on the waterfront and is absolutely refreshing for us New Yorkers. I think Central Park may have some competition here, Brooklyn Stand-up! (LOL) 

This month will definitely be a little calmer and consist of more prepping for the school year. I have already started my 2 oldest, as well as my incoming Kindergartener, on reviewing last years modules and getting a head start on the upcoming years curriculum. That is definitely a plus for the Common Core system. You can pretty much get your child's lessons online before they get it in class giving them a heads up and advantage. I got all of my girls' packets on Engageny.org, a site that links directly from the NYCDOE site, just look under their Common Core Library menu. My girls did great last year, especially with it being my first run at having more than one school-aged child, we worked our buns off trying to keep up with all the homework and assignments, so this year I am taking the proactive route, after all learning begins at home! 

Well that's my mid-summer synopsis! I hope you guys are enjoying yours as much.  

Be Fruitful,

Fruitful Organizing

I don't know about you guys but some of my biggest stresses in my week as a working mom comes from those unorganized or unexpected moments in my life. Nothing causes me to lose my sanity quicker than some impromptu issue popping up. While I know I can't plan everything in life there are great ways to give yourself at least a little room to maneuver when issues arise and I'd like to share some with you.

Here's are some of my weekly strategies to combat the insanity of pop-up issues:

Get Those Priorities in Check

I start off my week (usually on Sunday) by figuring out everything I have to do or think about for the week ahead. Of course as a Mom I feel my biggest responsibility is parenting so I finish each night by checking my kids' backpacks for any flyers or permission slips. I gather them all up on Sunday, along with our family planner, my cellphone and a fresh copy of my "Peek At The Week" (a handy tool I found for FREE on iHeart Organizing) and the process begins. I fill in our family planner with the dates of trips, school events, doctor's appts., work meetings and my Husbands meetings (that I know about in advance). I then do the same in my cellphone calendar, because this is the one I carry all the time and the family planner stays in the kitchen. By combining all these items I am able to spot any schedule conflicts and make adjustments or prepare to weather a storm. I then proceed to fill in the "Peek At the Week" which also includes a section for "To Do's", "Grocery List" and a meal planner. After I fill in the items that are most important and number them from highest to least important, I fill in my (as Stephen Covey calls them) my "Sharpen the Saw" items. The things for the week that I want to focus on physically, emotional/socially, spiritually and mentally just for me, as a person. This may seem like a lot but it helps me to keep balance and focus and allows me to squeeze in "me-time".

Draw Near to God 

We all know what they say about cleanliness and it's really true. I find I have more time to focus on my relationship with God if I have less to do around my house. Managing a home of 6 people can be quite challenging, especially when 4 of those people are under the age of 12!  But I do try to implement some basic rules that I learned over time.
   
     A. Involve the kids- while it would be great to be supermom and not have to feel like I'm depending on others for help the reality is, we all have a responsibility to keep our home clean! I was able to find great age-appropriate chore charts for my little ones, even down to the 3 year old. Throughout the week they have basic chores that keep our home "maintained" until the weekend, when we can really get down to the nitty-gritty of things like the laundry and bathrooms (which thank goodness can wait a little since we don't have aiming issues).

     B. Don't sleep on dishes - I try not to go to sleep with dishes in the sink or trash in the house. I know, it can be sucky having to wash dishes after dinner and being at work all day but it is much better than having them pile up!

     C. Monthly Cleaning Calendar- I found a great gem on The Peaceful Mom that breaks down a schedule for cleaning household items such as appliances and upholstery into certain days. It is a really great way to get to everything in your house evenly without spending all day Saturday cleaning like Rosie the Robot.

     D. Bless Others- It's always a good idea to hand-down or donate winter clothes you know your children won't be able to use or fit next year. This is usually when my family experiences the "sweater wars". Every girl has that one sweater they just can't part with and little girls are no different. While it's usually rough for them to let go in the end it benefits us all.

Love You, Mind, Body & Soul

Mind, Body and Soul- Another great thing about spring is that it's a time of blooming and rejuvenating. This spring I decided to start my mornings out with 15 minutes of yoga and I have to admit it has really given me a jump-start to my day.  It's a great time to detox and clean out our systems and prepare for lighter eating with the hot weather soon approaching. I also make it a point to examine myself for any old built-up emotions and get 'em out or over, whether via journaling or meditation and prayer, It's great to detox yourself of old feelings and welcome optimism and freshness!

As always Be Fruitful!

Renee

Making Those Sibling Bonds Rock Solid

As I'm sure you all witnessed, last week was National Sibling Day and I truly enjoyed seeing all of the pic collages of my friends and family with their siblings. It's really great when you see that a parent has done an exceptional job forging strong family ties.  I know as a Mother, nothing would give me more peace than knowing after I'm gone my children are there for each other through thick and thin! (Smile)

That's why Hubby and I work so hard to keep our daughters engaging with each other. My oldest is 10 and the youngest is 3 and that to me is a pretty big age gap, so here are some ideas we came up with to encourage interaction among our tribe.

1.) Room Assignments- We have 4 girls, so we paired our oldest up with "babygirl". My oldest was struggling with the big sister role and sort of became detached, so we placed these 2 together as roomies and bang, love connection...I mean who can resist a cute 3yo in the middle of the night spooked from a bad dream? This also encouraged teamwork as they are both responsible for keeping their room clean. My oldest has established a leadership role in their relationship and is viewed as almost a second mother of sorts to "babygirl", because if for some reason I am unavailable at babygirls call big sister steps in in a flash.

2.) Homework Help- Since I am currently a working mom, my oldest is responsible for helping the sister under her with her homework. The same goes for the set of littles; the older little is responsible for helping babygirl with her afterschool assignment. After their time together I step in and review the work and have them explain their answers to make sure no "extra help" was given.

3.) Chores- My girls have chores beyond making their beds and cleaning their rooms. They help with laundry, setting the table and cleaning common areas of our home. This instills the idea that they are responsible for each other. If one is in charge of socks they are in charge of everyone's socks.

4.) Games- We love to play team video games (ie. Michael Jackson, Dance Revolution or Kinect Adventures). My girls are competitive by nature so any chance they get to team up and give a beat down (in play, of course) they're ready for action. We also play board games, which is a great way to teach the littles about patience and taking turns. I mean think about it nothing ruins a sibling bond (or any relationship for that matter) faster than selfishness.

While all households are different and may not contain as many children, it is still very important to have strong sibling bonds. As my Momma has said time and time again "when Momma and Daddy are gone you guys are all each other have!" In all retrospect,
a friend maybe able to loan you a dollar but a sister can give you an organ!(Smile)

Get The Best Return With Your Tax-Return

It's that time of year again, time to pay the piper and I've spotted multiple posts in my news feed lately regarding people's anticipation of their recently received or impending tax returns ($$)! Many of them joking about their once again "hood rich" status. For those of you not privy to this term, it's the state of mind when you have a large sum of money just long enough to look the part of nouveau riche to only end up "broke" in no time (at least that's my definition).

For those of you looking to make the most of your tax return in a responsible way, I have some suggestions that I have actually partaken in myself.

Tip 1- For those living Paycheck to Paycheck- Try taking your return and getting ahead on some of your fixed expenses (ie. an expense that costs the same every month) such as rent, car payments or life insurance. You'll see that by eliminating some of the pressure from bills and allocating a set amount you can put to the side monthly you actually end up with more money for the fun stuff.

Tip 2- For those with kiddies- Unfortunately, I know tons of parents out there that see that extra dough (child earned credit) as some form of payment for taking care of their kids throughout the year.  I suggest you do the smart thing and invest it in your child's future. College is only expected to become more expensive and the job market more competitive. Another option is to put it aside for an extracurricular activity that your child may want to engage in. Certain activities like ballet, football and gymnastics can really break your pocketbooks if your not prepared when your little one gives you those puss in boots eyes because she wants to be a "ballerina princess".

Tip 3- Think Long-term- If you've been getting by fine on your paychecks put it towards an asset. Who says you have to be married before you entertain the idea of owning a home or even an apartment. You'd be surprised how fast you could own something in just 4-5 years of stashing those returns. Another option is stock. You don't have to be Jane Wall Street to invest in a brand that you are loyal to, especially with sites like E-Trade. While you probably won't become Warren Buffet you'd be surprised that your money can grow if you make a good choice. If your not the risky kind you could always stick it in a retirement plan, after all who knows where Social Security is bound to end up.

Tip 4- Make it worth the loss- If you must spend your money on something fun I say make it an experience and take that dream vacation.

While I'm no Financial Expert, I do know from experience that these tips definitely won't leave you with buyer's remorse or even have you saying "if I had that money again...I would..." 3 months from now. So spend wisely or don't spend at all and as always...

Be Fruitful!

Grab A Copy!

(Released February 2015)



Our 1st "Must-Have" for Winter 2015 is "For Girls Like You!" Devotional book for Tweens by Wynter Pitts, Founder of "For Girls Like You" Magazine & Resources for Girls.  Pitts' online magazine is a hit with young Christian girls and her new book has been endorsed by both Bible Teacher Priscilla Shirer and Candace Cameron Bure, so far! I'm definitely going to grab a copy for my Young Lady!

For info on "For Girls Like You!" check out http://forgirlslikeyou.com/ and don't forget to suggest it to a young lady in your life!

Get on Santa's "Good List"



Well, the countdown is officially on! I don't know about many of you but this is usually the time when i begin surfing the web, catalogs, Sunday papers and my e-mails for the best possible deals for last minute Christmas gifts. As I head into the different retail stores there is always my trip to Macy's that gets me the most gitty.

A few weeks ago, my family and I watched the Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade patiently awaiting Santa's arrival to Macy's, officially marking the beginning of their Holiday season. I personally get most excited waiting for little Virginia (the float of the little girl) rushing to Macy's clutching her letter to Santa in her little hands. She is also features in their animated Christmas commercial. For those of you that may have missed the promotional piece, every year Macy's has their Believe Campaign (inspired by the timeless classic Miracle on 34th Street). They set up a mailbox in the store and for every letter to Santa that is put in the box Macy's gives $1 to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

In usual fashion, my children and I sat down to the task of penning their letters to Santa.  Most of my children are under the age of 6, so I used a wonderful template I found on iheartorganizing.blogspot.com and had tons of fun! Writing letters to Santa is wonderful past-time for children of all ages and how much more exhilarating to know that the letters are being used for a philanthropic cause. So as I pick of items here and them at Macy's-Herald Square I'll be sure to drop by that magical mailbox that turns my children's wishes into wishes for so many.

I know that Christmas time can be overwhelming but if you are looking for something philanthropic to do as a family that is also quick and convenient shoot Santa a quick note!(smile)

Merry Christmas & Be Fruitful

Renee

We Love Them, But Do They Love Them?

Editorial by
Renee Jamerson



This month, one prevalent topic that seems to keep reoccurring in my life is the importance of a positive body image.  I recently watched a television program and had my 8 year old daughter question me on Beyonce's new video, "Pretty Hurts".  It made me reminisce back to my youth when the "positive body image" anthem was "Unpretty" by TLC.  I got the message of the song because my mother had instilled within me a love for myself so deep that even when I felt "unpretty", I knew it was only a temporary feeling and turned my "swag-meter" to 1,000 with self-praise.  As I strolled down memory lane, I pondered whether or not I had instilled the same values in my own children. 

I ran through a quick mental check list:

(1) You are special, if for no other reason than you are a child of God, created in his own perfect image.  - Check! We read the bible and attend church at least 3x a month.

(2) You are as smart as you want to be - Check!  I have repeatedly told them that they are smart enough to accomplish anything they put their mind to with the right training and hard work.

(3) Nobody can make you feel inferior, your acceptance of their judgement does - Check! I know for sure at least 2 of my girls will tell you to take a hike if you even think of offering your opinion of their hair or fashion-sense.

But was this enough?  I decided to speak to my oldest on her opinion of herself and what she felt the video meant.  She expressed a couple of issues regarding her appearance and what she'd like to change; which I have to admit was a little funny seeming as how I never really thought of changes to my appears until Junior High.  But, kids do develop faster these days...I guess...right?  After some thought I figured this wasn't too absurd, my daughter is a bit mature for her age.  We continued to talk and at some point she expressed a correlation between Beyonce's treatment in the video and the movie, Bully, a cinematic experience offered by her school to educate children on the consequences of bullying.  I found her comparison interesting.  I mean, think about it, we're all mentally bullied into a way of thinking and conceptualizing beauty.  We are held to societies and the fashion industries standards and when you don't fit, you're ostracized in a way.  I went on to tell her how she was "quite the little genius" and to "never conform".  I reassuring her one more time that she was made perfect in God's image and that the only way to one day understand true love was to first love yourself.

I walked away proud, because although she may not understand fully everything I said, I know that she is at least alert enough to know that passing judgement on someone based on their appearance is unfair, even if that person is yourself.  Plus I figured, for her to have this perception and be a tiny resident of NYC, gives a nod of approval to my parenting.  <smiling>

~Never Conform~

Snow Days = Slow Days, Maybe Not

On an ordinary day many of us find ourselves wishing we could spend more time with our children, especially working moms.  Nothing screams quality time like a snow day, does it?  Don't you see it, the day before, we anxiously await the announcement that the office is closed and celebrate when it is, thankful for that extra day to rest...NOT!

While mentally we imagine a day of relaxation, catching up on missed conversations and possibly a book, it turns out to be anything but that.  We either end up with family members dispersed in the home, some watching TV, others on electronics and others sleeping.  If you are fortunate enough to catch some zzz's there's still that point in the day/days when your kids run out of creativity and shows and want that imaginary character that only Mommy can bring to life.  While playing pretend with the little ones, theoretically, is the perfect description of quality time their demand usually happens at the most unexpected time.  Not to mention, pretending to dress up for a wedding was a lot more fun when YOU were 12 than it is at...(fill in blank).

If this describes you and you find yourself awaiting a blizzard,  it is not only wise to stock up on groceries but a schedule of activities as well.  There are tons of things to do when trapped in doors, some of which may interest you.  Here are my top 4:

1. Yoga - you can find yoga videos on YouTube for free ranging from beginner to advanced.  I've noticed that kids love to exercise, especially if Mommy's doing it...have a class with them and while they may not get every pose right, you'll have enough fun watching each other fall over.

2. Games - games such as Monopoly Jr. or even video games that include teams and dancing can be a lot of fun.

3. Devotionals- I love to include a bible study in my day so why not go the extra mile and have a full class complete with coloring pages and all, its a great use of time.

4. Cooking classes - just about every child loves to experiment with food, having your kids help you bake a cake or even create a finger snack is sure to be a blast and can take some stress out of having to figure out a menu for the day.


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New Year, New Accomplishments

While many people might consider New Year's Resolutions overrated creating one with your little one could serve as a beneficial teaching moment as a lesson in setting goals.

For example, you could have your child set a realistic goal for their resolution with tasks/steps and deadlines to actually accomplish or keep it.  It's an excellent idea to create a checklist and as your little lady or fellow completes a task/step have them check it.  This will encourage them to keep their resolution and feel a sense of accomplishment.

While these tips can help a child learn to set goals, trying them out yourself may even help you keep your New Year's Resolution (for once) and result in a handy plan of action for your own goals.

Have a Happy New Year from the Urban Nurturing Team!

Self-Soothing - A form of neglect??

Editorial
By Renee Jamerson

Recently there was a lot of talk in the news about the benefits of allowing your baby to "self-soothe" as they call it.  A recent study showed that babies who were allowed to cry awhile were under no more stress than a baby who wasn't.  The point of the study was to prove that self-soothing is okay for the baby and is a great way to build self-reliance.  It was however proven amongst a group of Moms that continuous crying actually stressed the mom more than the baby (well duh).

I have to say I fall into that category.  I like these Moms experience anxiety at the sound of my babies cry.  A lot of people believe that responding to a baby's every beckoning makes the child spoiled.  I happen to believe that it maks them feel secure.  I want my children to know that despite whatever they may go through "Mommy is here" and we'll get through it together. 

I believe that children can learn self-reliance at a later date when it is more comprehensible.  For example, Kindergarten.  And while this may cause some pre-school teachers to cringe.  Most children go through separation anxiety when they start school anyway and then learn self-reliance.  So in the end why put so much pressure on a tiny person who can't verbalize what they want, need or feel?  They depend on us for their every need and even comfort.  So I think I speak for a lot of Moms when I say self-soothe, smelf-smoothe (tttthhhhpppptt)!

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Talking To vs. Talking At, What's the difference?

By Renee Jamerson

                                                          (Source: msnbc.com)
                                               
While in conversation with a friend of mine, who has dedicated his life to Youth Development, the topic of "Parents talking to their children and why it's important" came up .  I always take time on the weekends to reflect on whether or not I spent the week "talking to" my children or "talking at" them.  There is a difference that a lot of parents don't realize. 

Coming from a background of Southern roots my mother was often "talked at" by her parents and never really "talked to".  Against the criticism of a lot of the older generation, my Mother made it a point to talk to us.  Not to say that we weren't often "talked at".  As a parent in this busy society it is almost unavoidable the habit of "talking at" our children.  Why? Between juggling work, bills, relationships, and other children it is easier to bark an order of what you want done rather explaining why we need it done.  That's when those damning replies of "because I said so" or the plain old retorical "because" come in. 

Needless to say, talking to your children builds worthwhile relationships and keep the lines of communication open for when they reach that point in life where they might not want to share everything.  It also ensure that they have a reliable source of information throughout life.  Let's face it what they don't learn from you they will learn from TV, their friends, or other older folk that might not be the best role model. 

Talking to our children is not only important for those teen years, but also in early development.  Studies have shown that babies who have parents that speak to them have higher IQs than children who were not spoken by their caregivers.  It has been proven that talking to your baby advances their vocabulary, understanding, and ability to express themselves clearly.  Speaking first hand, I totally agree with these facts.  My daughters are able to express their wants, needs and thoughts in clear sentences, while having other adults understand them.  People are always shocked when I tell them that my youngest is only 2 years old after having been told of one our of many and most funny conversations. 

So, despite what you may have heard talk, talk, and talk some more because simply stating "because I said so" isn't good enough if you want to raise smart, articulate and trustworthy children.